Conferencing

Back in my salad days I would attend several industry conferences a year. Some for a day, but most usually 2-3 days. The days would be long filled with seminars, panel discussions, speeches, motivational stories, and tons of little bottles of water. Coffee breaks would be every 2 hours where they force you to meet with exhibitors who aggressively try to sell you something you don’t need (in truth I was usually an exhibitor). You do breakfasts, lunches, etc but the best part was always the hotel bar at night. Mixing it up with people from all over the country/world and staying out till 2am putting all your drinks on the company. I enjoyed it so much I thought going to a conference should be termed something different, a verb that I could use, so I invented the word conferencing. Now that was back in the days before Teams and ZOOM, where conferencing also started getting used. But I am sticking with it — conferencing meant long days usually spent listening to others in over air conditioned rooms, nursing a hangover with coffee and water, struggling to pay attention, and then going out and doing it all over again. 

Well, now I am in my 40s, and “conferencing” in India. This expose in to my glamorous life will begin with my attendance at the American Chamber of Commerce India GCC “Conclave” (i think this is the new trendy word for conference just like ecosystem for some reason describes any internal system eventhough its supposed to be about biological systems…ugh, anyway I digress). So I leave work at about 5pm and head for the airport on a Tuesday. My beloved wife packs me with a couple of tuna fish sandwiches. What you may not know about India is most of their packaged bread is incredibly crumbly and falls apart in a moment. So here was my luxurious dinner on the way to the airport.

Tunafish with multigran crumble I guess. The Pune airport doesn’t really have any restaurants so I dined off of my carry on bag whilst watching my gate.

Then after pacing the small airport for 45 mins and trying to time my last bathroom break for 5 mins before boarding, I was off to Bangalore with the discount airline Air Indi GO.

No upgrades here! It was an hour and ten minute flight to Bangalore and I made it in to the hotel at about 10:45pm. I am unpacked, brushed my teeth, stripped down to my sleeping wear and get under the covers when I hear a little knock. The kind of knock a 6 year old does on their parent’s closed bedroom door when they know they are in trouble. Tap, tap, tap. I really don’t want to get my clothes on and I even put a Do Not Disturb tag on my door. Tap, tap, tap. Oh fine. Then my hotel phone makes the loudest ring that could wake the dead. I startled, jumped up, and answered the phone. ”Sir there is a man outside”…umm ok does this mean I am about to get murdered? ”Sir they have your nuts and beer”. What?! Sure enough I answered the door in my jogging pants and some guy had brought me two beers and a quart of mixed nuts. Random, yes? India? Not surprised. So I had a quick snack and drink and went to bed. 

The next day I ate breakfast and headed to the nearby Taj Hotel for the conference. I wish I could tell you some exciting and useful information but it was a typical conference as you can see.

Honestly I did take notes and I did pick up some good tid bits on best practices. I did get a few sales pitches but they were limited. Unlike the US though the conferences in India have Indian food (yes, shocker). I can’t say I have ever eaten this at a conference before:

In case you are wondering it is roti bread, paneer, spinach something I can’t pronounce, and then chicken something I can’t pronounce. It wasn’t butter chicken. Rest assured I was picking bones out of my teeth for 15 minutes and had to find a pitcher of water to wash down the spice. I am such a gringo.

The best part of the evening was a special dinner I was invited to by the government of Karnataka — the state that Bangalore was in. It was great networking with other Country Heads and I got even better and more tips, advice, and stories on what works and what does not in Indian business. Truly some motivational stories. Dinner was an Indian buffet again and as usual I grinned while secretly praying for ice cream. Unfortunately there was no bar at dinner, just water. There was no after party. But I held out hope and went to the hotel bar. It was empty. My conferencing just wasn’t the same. But I enjoyed my Manhattan and reminisced about the glory days while actually being happy that I was going to get to bed by 10pm and not feel horrible the next day.

Cheers!

The next morning my flight was at 11:30am so I was able to sleep in (for me that means 6:30am) and get a good breakfast. The flight and transport home were all uneventful. I returned to my beloved wife and daughter in the afternoon and went straight in to “conferencing” calls on Teams until 9pm. 

In tribute to the late Toby Keith – I ain’t as good as I once was, but I am as good once, as I ever was. I look forward to dusting off my boots for another opportunity at conferencing in my 40s!